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  He tossed it to the mattress with a soft thump. A flogger, but not one of the ones he’d shown me before, or used on me in the stark comfort of his bedroom. This one was purple, with soft, buttery-looking leather tails. “Go on, touch it,” he whispered.

  It was like fondling strips of velvet—spongy and plush, with rounded edges. Nothing that could cut like some of the other toys he’d used, the ones that’d wrung such loud cries from me I had to bury my face in a pillow to avoid alerting Jase’s neighbors. “It’s gorgeous, but…”

  “But what?”

  I scooped it up, carding my fingers through the tails. “Doesn’t feel like it’ll hurt.”

  “Why don’t you leave that to me?” His grin turned evil as he bent to kiss me again, biting my lower lip before thrusting his tongue into my mouth. Then he shoved me away, pointing to the wall. “Go stand over there.”

  I did as he bid me, bracing both hands on the wall, breath hissing through my teeth as he looped an arm around my waist and pressed against me. The hard-on in his pants was stiff enough to pound nails. I wriggled, trying to give him a hint—

  Until his fingers sank into my hair and yanked my head back. “You want my cock? Well, not yet. Not until I say you can.” Hot breath puffed over my throat, his teeth sinking into my ear lobe. Jesus. If he’d only let me touch myself... “Be good now, and take what I see fit to give you.”

  Cool air wafted over my skin as he stepped back, the tick-tick of my nightstand clock the only sound in the room, other than Jase’s sharp intake of breath. Or was it mine?

  A whoosh of leather tails, and the flogger landed on my back with enough impact to knock the air out of me. The salve he’d been rubbing into my welts had pretty much healed them, but this wasn’t the same kind of pain. All thud, no sting, with enough of a wallop to make my arms tremble with the effort of holding me away from the wall.

  Over and over the whip fell, warming my back and ass, Jase’s soft grunts punctuating each blow. Felt more like a massage than a whipping. I closed my eyes. I could do this. I could take this, even if I didn’t come, because it was what Jase wanted—

  Until he sank his fingers into my hip and twisted. “Fuck!” I gasped.

  A low rumble echoed in Jase’s chest. He toyed with the ends of my hair, dusted a kiss over my throat. Dragged his callused fingertips down my back and nearly forced a scream out of me. “Now you get it, huh?”

  My vision blurred, arms giving way. Jase caught me and helped me to the bed, but the feel of the soft cotton comforter was almost too much. Yeah, now I got it. My skin was so hot and oversensitized, even the lightest touch left me gasping.

  Jase rolled in beside me, helped me slide under the covers. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. Just give me a minute.” Turning onto my stomach hurt, but Jase helped me with that too, skimming his fingers down my arm. “Sorry,” I murmured, sinking gratefully into the mattress.

  “You’ve got nothing to apologize for. I want to hurt you, Jordan, but not, y’know, hurt you.” His throat worked. “Not in a way you don’t want.”

  Daniel’s face flashed behind my eyes. Mark’s face. Evan’s. An endless parade of guys in and out of my bed, all of them causing me way too much grief. At least the pain Jase dealt me was merely physical. He lifted me up, helped me cope with this mountain of shit that was my life. If that wasn’t love—the kind that lasted, not the kind that tore me apart—I didn’t want it either.

  But what Jase gave me—all of it, even the parts that hurt—I wouldn’t turn down for the fucking world.

  I let him ease me onto my back, the cool sheets soothing my skin. Pulled him down for a kiss that quickly morphed into something deep and rough. Biting, scratching, pinning me to the bed. Nipping at that throbbing, sensitive patch of skin right above my collar—

  “Fuck, Jordan, I can’t take much more of this.” His hard cock rubbed my thigh, nearly poking through his pants. He’d been holding on, waiting for me. I couldn’t make him wait any longer.

  “How do you want me?”

  “Hands and knees. Now.”

  I moved to obey, blood roaring between my ears. A faint crackle of foil, the telltale pop of a lube bottle, Jase’s hand on my hip... in the midst of it all I’d forgotten about my sore back, until Jase draped himself across it. His fingers wound through my hair, pulling hard at the exact same moment he pushed inside me.

  Pain flooded me, hot and sharp and glorious, just like Jase’s breath puffing over my throat. His hand in my hair loosened, let go, slid around to the front, right over my collar—

  And squeezed.

  Chapter Thirty

  Jase

  My entire body throbbed in time with my temples. Light poured in through the windows because the sun was an asshole. Why the fuck was I even awake?

  Soft lips brushed the side of my neck. “Hey.”

  I groaned and tried to nudge him away, though not too far away, because I really liked the warmth of his naked skin against mine. “Tired.”

  He laughed. “After last night? Of course you are.”

  I rolled over and peered up at him. “Why aren’t you?”

  “I am.” He chuckled as he scratched his stubbled jaw. “But the guys want to meet up and do some rehearsing today.” He smiled far too brightly for this godawful hour. Whatever hour it was. “Everyone’s flying high after last night, so…”

  “You guys are all insane,” I groaned.

  Still smiling, he touched my face. “We’ll just be at Milo’s. If you want to sleep in, I can probably handle being without a bodyguard for a few hours.”

  That jolted me a little closer to being fully awake. “I should go with you.”

  “Relax.” He dropped a light kiss on my shoulder. “I’ll be all right. It’s not a public appearance.”

  I chewed my lip. He had a point. It was only when he went out in public that he really needed me. Driving to Milo’s place and rehearsing with the guys? He’d be fine. “You do have some public appearances today, don’t you?”

  “Later on, yeah. I’ve got an interview downtown this evening, and the whole band is recording an interview for a radio station after that.”

  I reached up and brushed a few disheveled strands of hair out of his face. “Tell you what. Let me sleep a little longer, and then I’ll meet you at Milo’s before we need to go downtown.”

  “Sounds like a deal.”

  “Thought you’d agree.” I put my hand over the front of his throat, squeezing just enough to make both of us shiver. My whole body tingled at the memory of him losing it last night with my hand around his neck, of the way he’d come so hard I’d lost control myself. I drew him down to kiss me. “You know what? I think tonight, I’m going to plan some fun things for you.” I ran my thumb up and down his neck. “If you’re as good as I know you will be, and you’re not too sore from last night, I’ll reward you with a little trip to the dungeon.”

  He shivered again, this time hard enough to make his eyes close and his breath catch.

  “Would you like that, Jordan?”

  “Yes,” he whispered. His eyes opened. He wasn’t in that space yet, but damn, it wouldn’t take much to put him there.

  Later, I promised myself. Later, I would put him deeper in subspace than he’d ever been.

  “Tonight,” I murmured, and let him go.

  He sat up, absently running his fingertips along his collar.

  “You really don’t like having that thing off, do you?”

  “No.” Jordan met my eyes and smiled. “But that bracelet last night did make a big difference.”

  “I figured it would.” I cupped his neck and kissed him lightly. “All right, get to your rehearsals. I’ll be there in a few hours.”

  “Okay. I’ll see you there.”

  We held each other’s gazes for a moment, both smiling, and as I trailed my fingertip along his collar, I said, “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  * * *

  I crawled out of Jor
dan’s bed at a little past ten. I hadn’t even had a drink last night, but I’d neglected to drink much water either, so I was as good as hung over this morning. At least I’d made sure Jordan put away a bottle of water before we’d gone to bed. No wonder he was so chipper this morning, the bastard.

  My headache was better than earlier, though, still gnawing at my temples but otherwise gone. A hot shower helped. All I needed now was coffee.

  And if Jordan didn’t want to be punished, there would be a freshly brewed pot waiting for me. I grinned to myself. It was good to be the Dom sometimes.

  After I’d dressed, I went into the kitchen.

  Daniel was standing beside the counter, writing in a notebook surrounded by crumpled balls of white paper, and he almost jumped out of his skin when I walked in. “Oh, hey.” He quickly closed the notebook. “I… didn’t realize you were still here.”

  I shrugged and pulled a coffee cup down from the cabinet. “Just needed to sleep a little longer this morning, I guess.”

  The ghost of a grin played at his lips. “Long night for everyone, I guess.”

  “Yeah.” I turned around to pour some coffee. “I’m surprised you’re not at Milo’s with the rest of the band.”

  “I…” His pen tapped rapidly on the counter, metal clicking hard against granite. “I needed a little more sleep too.”

  Coffee in hand, I turned around. “You going over there this afternoon? You’re welcome to ride with me if—”

  “No, not today.” The smile didn’t come close to reaching his eyes. “Just need a little downtime after last night, that’s all.”

  “Fair enough. It was a big night for everyone.” I paused. “Congratulations, by the way. That award is fucking huge.”

  His smile got a little more enthusiastic, but not by much. “Thanks.”

  We stood in silence for a while. I drank my coffee. He avoided my eyes and kept glancing at the notebook in front of him. As the minutes ticked by, the awkwardness got worse and worse. I still didn’t know quite how to read him—it was tough to say when I was projecting my experiences with my ex onto him, and when he was really giving off signals. Did he want conversation? Did he want me to get the fuck out of here? Was he still pissed off that I was with Jordan, a fact underscored by my presence here in their house?

  I drained my coffee and rinsed the cup. “Well, uh, I should take off. You sure you don’t want a lift over to Milo’s?”

  “No, no, that’s okay. I’m just going to stay home today.”

  “All right. You, uh, have a good one.”

  “Yeah. You too.”

  I started out of the kitchen.

  “Hey, Jase?”

  I turned around. His gaze was fixed on the pen he was tapping on the book in front of him.

  “Yeah?”

  “Listen, I…” He swallowed. The pen stopped. After a moment, he looked at me. “I wanted to apologize. For being a dick about you and Jordan.” He took a breath. “I was totally out of line, and…” He shook his head. “Anyway, he’s a lot better off with you than he was before. He’s happier.” Daniel managed a slight smile. “So, thank you. For being what he needs.”

  “He’s what I need too.”

  Daniel studied me. His eyes flicked toward the notebook in front of him, and then back to me. “Good. Good to hear.”

  That awkward silence threatened to set in all over again.

  “Are you okay, Daniel?”

  He jumped like I’d shocked him, but then plastered on a smile. “What? Yeah. I’m fine. Just, you know. Long night last night.”

  “Yeah, it was but—”

  “Relax.” He put up a hand, and there was a sudden edge to his voice. “I’m all right. Honestly. I’m still just sorting through some things. Don’t worry about it.”

  I hesitated, but then nodded. “All right. But if you need anything, you’re more than welcome to call and—”

  “I’ll be fine, Jase.”

  We locked eyes, but I backed down. “Okay. Just call if you do.”

  He offered a thin-lipped smile, but said nothing, so I saw myself out.

  I grabbed my wallet and keys and headed out to Milo’s, but I could barely concentrate on the road. With every turn, my mind kept going back to the house. Back to Daniel. He was making huge strides, and he really seemed to have it together this time. Maybe he just needed some time to himself. My ex’s therapist had recommended he keep a journal. Maybe that was what the notebook was.

  I stopped at a stop sign, and there was no one else around, but I still didn’t move.

  Gnawing my lip, I looked in the rearview, as if I could see Jordan’s house from here. I couldn’t put my finger on why, but no matter how much I told myself he was all right, the hairs on the back of my neck were standing on end. A sick feeling coiled beneath my ribs.

  Daniel wasn’t himself this morning. There were so many shades of Jekyll and Hyde lurking within that man, it wasn’t at all unusual to encounter an entirely new breed of Daniel depending on his mood, his substance of choice, or how the planets were aligned. I’d seen the happy and playful version, the serious musician, the strung out junkie, the passive aggressive asshole, the quiet guy in the corner, the man with the temper.

  The man I’d seen standing in the kitchen with his notebook, that wasn’t a Daniel I’d seen before. He’d been depressed and quiet lately. He’d been “off” pretty much constantly. But last night, he’d been in great spirits, and then this morning, he was so calm he was almost serene, but… not.

  And he sure as fuck wasn’t a man who’d been honored in front of millions last night as the best current guitarist in rock music.

  Without a second thought, I flipped the tightest U-turn I’d ever made in my life, and burned rubber. I didn’t bother putting on my Bluetooth and speed-dialed Daniel as I hurried back toward the house.

  The call instantly went to voicemail.

  “This is Daniel’s phone. Leave a message.”

  “Daniel, it’s Jase,” I said, trying to keep my panic out of my voice. “Listen, I’m on my way back to the house. Forgot something. Could you call me back as soon as you get this?” I didn’t know what else to say.

  I ended the call and dropped the phone in the cup holder, hoping to God it would ring.

  The gate to Jordan’s driveway took its sweet time opening after I’d entered the code, and as soon as I had room, I slammed on the accelerator, nearly clipping my side mirror on the still opening gate.

  Daniel’s car was still parked in front of the house. I braked hard and parked beside it, and then jogged past it and up the steps.

  The door was still unlocked.

  “Daniel?” I called out. “Daniel? You around?”

  Nothing.

  Fuck.

  “Daniel?” Heart pounding, I pulled out my cell phone and as I hurried through the house, entered 911 into the key pad, just in case. “Daniel? You around?”

  I ran down the stairs. That was where his bedroom was… wasn’t it? Shit. Shit!

  I tapped on his door. No answer.

  Tapped again.

  Nothing.

  Hoping to God it wasn’t locked, I turned the knob, and it gave.

  “Dan—oh, God.”

  He was facedown on the floor, sprawled halfway across the threshold between his bedroom and the private bathroom.

  I hit send on the phone and put it on speaker as I dropped to my knees beside Daniel. “Daniel? Can you hear me?”

  No response.

  “Dan—”

  “911, what is your emergency?”

  “I need an ambulance right away,” I said as I set the phone down on the floor. “My friend’s overdosed on something.”

  “What is your location, sir?”

  I hesitated, panicking for a split second, but then remembered the address. As I recited it to her, I felt Daniel’s neck. “Oh, shit. He doesn’t have a pulse.”

  “Do you know CPR, sir?”

  I already had him on his back. “I do. Ju
st get”—I put my hands in the middle of Daniel’s chest—“an ambulance out here. Fast!”

  “The ambulance is on its way, sir. Do—”

  Whatever she said, I didn’t hear it. I was focused on Daniel and the chest compressions. The sound of his ribs protesting and cracking was sickening, but I kept going.

  To the woman on the phone, I said, “There’s a… code. For the gate.” Jesus fuck, I was out of breath. “They’ll need—”

  “Do you have the code, sir?”

  “Yeah.” I rattled off the code. “How long’s… it going… to take?”

  “The ambulance is just a few minutes out, sir. Hang in there.”

  “She means you, Daniel,” I growled, and kept pressing down on his chest, hoping to God it was enough. Though I knew deep down that this wasn’t like the movies, that he wouldn’t magically wake up and be okay, I kept hoping he would.

  Goddammit, Daniel. Wake up. Wake up and be all right.

  Don’t make me tell Jordan you’re—

  I put everything I had into the chest compressions. If his heart wouldn’t beat on his own, then damn it, I’d make it beat until the paramedics got here. He wasn’t getting out of this that easily.

  More ribs cracked. They sounded like they were splintering on the inside, and each time I came down, I thought he’d collapse under me. He’d be in a fuckload of pain when he came around. Because he was going to come around. The paramedics would get here. They’d zap him. He’d wake up. And he could cuss me out all he wanted for his broken ribs, and I’d take it with a smile, but damn it, stay with me, you motherfucker.

  My muscles ached as fatigue set in, but I gritted my teeth and kept going, pleading with my body to hold out until help arrived.

  Just a little longer. Please, God, just a little longer.

  Upstairs, a door opened.